RADIO HYPOCRISY

This industry frustrates me so much. I want to see it flourish, I want to hear great material being produced by quality radio hosts, but instead it’s amateur hour all throughout the country as the corporations slash budgets and hire people fresh out of school (or who never even went to school) who aren’t ready to be in front of the mic in markets that should only be hiring seasoned veterans… and I think that’s why the incident I’m about to discuss happened the way it happened.

Recently I was once again exposed to the hypocrisy of certain radio hosts, though not first hand this time (it’s nice to watch one from the bleachers sometimes). You may or may not recall that I once wrote an open letter to a local radio host, which included a scathing review of their work. I took a lot of heat for that, but everything in that letter was the truth, and unfortunately a bunch of people blinded by friendship and loyalty felt they needed to defend what was, at best, first year college-grade work being aired in a medium market on a commercial radio station. This announcer hasn’t gotten any better by the way, they referred to Pat Burns as “alive and well” while he was suffering from cancer… he died about 2 weeks later (yes, very “well” indeed), and within the last couple months badly segued into a contest after discussing a kid who was shot (classy), but see, I’m not allowed to say that, because the radio industry believes they’re immune, that they’re above jokes and criticism, and that we’re all supposed to support each other no matter what, all a bunch of nonsense. So it came as NO surprise to me that my good friends at [Name Withheld because they’ll cry if I put it] were all upset because of the antics of one “Drunk Jock”.

Drunk Jock is the alias of someone apparently working in the business here in Canada, who tweets jokes about the industry and about other radio announcers. Some of his tweets that are deemed less harmful include: “The music director just came in late and now is going for lunch. Makes total sense why he makes more than me!”, way to stick it to middle management… “Jonathan (not) Quick (enough). #blackhawks”, which has nothing to do with radio but seems fitting since it’s the type of not-at-all-funny hockey humour that so many radio hosts probably did after the Kings lost to the Blackhawks, and “Every radio station in the world: Blah Blah Blah something about Friday!”, which, that one actually is mildly humorous because of how often radio announcers talk about the weekend. “Weekend’s comin’ up everyone! Just in case you didn’t know that there are 7 days in a week, 2 of those are classified as the weekend, and that this is a never-ending cyclical process, just thought I’d remind you that we’re approaching the weekend, unless it IS the weekend, in which case, yay! It’s the weekend! Not for me though! I’m in a studio working the easiest job on the planet, feel sorry for me!”… fuck me… But recently, he had made a series of “inappropriate tweets” to a local radio announcer who will remain nameless. “Hey [blank] wanna bone?”, that was posted on June 4^th. Then, on June 16^th… “Am I watching the #MMVAs? Did [Blank] suck so many dicks that she had to get an operation to handle 10 dicks at once? No. Answer is No”, which resulted in a bit of an exchange that also included one of her co-workers joining in, then Drunk Jock tweeted the next day that he’d “totally let [blank] girly cum all over my shit!”, and wondered why this announcer was so upset considering he was actually paying her a compliment in his own way… and then followed it up with what is apparently his trademark, drawing a penis on their social networking picture. Apparently someone at [place that can’t be named even though they already hate me anyway] actually accused ME of this, which, by the way, thanks, but fuck off. This isn’t my style AT ALL. This guy’s not funny, but that’s probably why he works in radio. This is juvenile playground humour that’s not even close to what I do. And although I don’t defend this behavior, I DO defend his right to do it.

Any radio host offended by all of this is a major hypocrite, unless they’ve absolutely NEVER made a joke, ANY joke, about a celebrity, sports star, politician, or other public figure in their careers. As a radio host, you’re a public figure. You’ve signed up for all the perks and all the pitfalls, you don’t get to pick and choose. During my exchange with the person I wrote the open letter to, they claimed they shouldn’t be criticized, because they aren’t a public figure. Yes you are! You’re on the god damn radio! Strangers can press a button in their car and hear your voice. You may only be a local celebrity, but you ARE a public figure, subject to the same criticism and scrutiny that ALL public figures are. Do you know how long Howard Stern would have lasted if he got all upset the first time someone made fun of him, the first time someone told him he sucked or criticized his work? Not very long. He’d be nobody. That’s a person who can handle the pressures of being a public figure, and I don’t think that’s something that can be taught. You’re not taught in school how to be a star, how to handle everything that goes along with that. You’re only taught how to dish it out. You can learn how to craft a bit, how to write a joke with a beginning, middle and punchline, but how do you train someone to take criticism? I don’t think you can. They have to have a specific attitude, they have to be a little bit arrogant, they have to believe that they’re good at what they do and they can’t let the criticism get to them. Once again, during my exchange with the person who I wrote the open letter to, they confessed to me that they were afraid for the next few weeks to even turn the mic on. Every time they had to press that button they felt a little bit of anxiety. They had no confidence in themselves. That was not my goal, but that just proves that they’re not a person who can be a star. Do you know how much shit I take from people who view my YouTube channel? I get a lot of positive feedback, way more than the negative, but I get A LOT of negative feedback. Because of the nature of my work (as well as the nature of the Internet where you can hide behind an alias), I get called every name you can think of. I get people telling me they want to kill me, people saying they’d punch me in the face if they ever met me, people questioning my sexual orientation and telling me to suck their dicks… hell sometimes I get people who LIKE my work telling me that if I were gay they’d let me fuck them. Then I get the “haters” who just tell me that I’m “annoying”, that they don’t like the sound of my voice, and that my opinions are shitty because they don’t match their opinions. I take all that abuse and I do it for free, just because I like entertaining people with my brand of angry humour, I’m not even getting paid (although if you ask a lot of radio hosts they’ll tell you they feel like they’re not getting paid either). And if I hadn’t been able to handle it, I would never have seen my channel grow to 260,000+ subscribers, over a quarter-million people waiting every week to hear my opinions about whatever the hell I feel like talking about that week. I don’t get upset about it, I’d be a complete hypocrite if I did since most of my material is about being critical of celebrities and social behavior. And that’s what is happening here.

I’m sure someone will say “Umm, I never made a joke on air about some girl sucking a bunch of dicks and asking to fuck her”, and I’m sure you haven’t or you wouldn’t have a job, but have you ever made a joke about Taylor Swift being boy-crazy, or the loose… umm… morals (yeah, lets go with “morals”, that’s radio friendly) of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, the Teen Mom with the sex tape, even Pam Anderson back in the day? Have you been talking shit about Rob Ford despite the fact that the alleged “crack smoking” video has yet to be made public? Have you ever made a joke about a celebrity at all? If not, I commend you. Your shows are probably really boring, but I commend you for being the king or queen of morality that we should all look up to and try to be like, and I hope your Christian Radio station gets that 50 watt upgrade approved by the CRTC soon. But that’s what I hear on commercial radio in this city and every city I’ve ever visited: Jokes about celebrities and public figures. Many announcers have entire segments devoted to it, I forget which station was doing a segment in the mornings called “Celebrity Sleaze”, an afternoon drive host had a segment called the “Daily Need to Know” which was usually celebrity jokes. Then you’ve got local politicians getting as close to slandered as you can without a lawsuit. Our mayor at the time, her husband was arrested for drinking and driving and local radio went to fucking town on that guy well before he was convicted… of course, he WAS guilty, but he wasn’t proven guilty when the jokes were being made about him being a drunk. Our current mayor is accused of stealing money from the city, guess who’s taking a verbal shit-kicking now? OH, but you can’t talk shit about a radio announcer, it’s only a one way street right? Yes, you can, and no, it’s not. You’re a public figure, you should expect it. Time to grow up. You’re getting upset about someone making some crude sexual jokes about you on Twitter? You can’t handle it if someone is critical of your work, whether that person happens to be in the industry or is just someone who listens to the radio? If so, you’re not fit for the business of being a celebrity. Pack it in. The colleges are spitting out hundreds of grads a year to fight over a handful of jobs, I’m sure any one of them would be happy to have yours.

– Buckley

Epilogue: “Drunk Jock” deleted his Facebook and Twitter, I assume because of the backlash regarding this incident. Guess he wasn’t fit to be a celebrity either. And again, whoever accused me of being him… A) grow a pair and don’t talk behind my back (there are so many ways you can contact me, and half a dozen people in that building who know me personally if for some reason you can’t figure out how Google works) and B) know that I will ALWAYS put my name on everything I have to say. I won’t hide behind an alias. I don’t need to.

London, Ontario: A Great Place to Live But I Wouldn’t Want to Visit

So I read this article the other day at OurLondon.ca about how London, Ontario made TripAdvisor’s list of Top 25 Travelers’ Choice Destinations in Canada, and I have to say, as a Londoner, I disagree with this inclusion. Here’s the writeup from Tripadvisor.ca:

You’ll see double-decker buses and even the River Thames, but while London, Ontario, has clearly been inspired by its British namesake, this is a distinctly Canadian destination. Attractions like Fanshawe Pioneer Village, Banting House and Eldon House will captivate history buffs. Or indulge your, shall we say, slightly less cerebral side with a tour of the Labatt Brewery.

I enjoy living and working here, but what kind of writeup is this?! First of all, this makes it sound like we’re a quaint village where you’ll get a taste of jolly old England without the travel costs and with a Canadian twist. Well, aside from maybe seeing a double-decker bus three times in my life, here’s a comparison of the Thames River in London, Ontario and London, England:

Thames River: London, Ontario vs London, England

As you can see, their version is a touch nicer.

And lets talk about those attractions… maybe I take for granted the fact that I drove by Banting House almost every other day when the boxing club I frequented was located in crack alley (Adelaide near Dundas, lovely area of the city), but it’s not somewhere I would suggest civilized people spend their time. Fanshawe’s Pioneer Village is kind of hokey and not an attraction worth spending hours of travel time to see, Londoners really only care about the camp ground nearby. And what kind of selling line is that about the Labatt Brewery? It might as well have said “and, if you’re a beer swilling moron, you’ll love touring this factory that makes your favourite brain cell-killing beverage!”

The “OurLondon.ca” article is something else too, it includes quotes from Marty Rice, who is the “Director of leisure travel and advertising for Tourism London”. Hopefully my taxes don’t go towards paying this man’s salary because I don’t like paying the salaries of liars. Aside from a bunch of buzz words that don’t mean anything (he mentions that we’re “broad-based” and have a “big selection of tourism infrastructure”, and that he was able to promote the city well “using social media”, none of these things really mean anything), here’s my favourite gem from the article:

“[Marty Rice] said the city is also laid out nicely, so it’s easy for visitors to get around London.”

I’m sorry, what part of the city is nicely laid out? As someone who’s lived here a long time, I constantly find myself forgetting about the one-way streets that make absolutely no sense downtown (like King Street and Queen Street, one of which stops being a one-way street at one point), the random signs that tell you that you can’t turn left between certain hours, if at all, and the street festivals that block chunks of the area off on the weekends in the summer. That’s just downtown, never mind the streets that just dead end at some point and magically re-start somewhere else (like Huron, or Wellington), and the fact that the city crawls during rush hour traffic despite it only being a mid-sized city of 400,000 people. Try to drive the 9km down Oxford Street from Fanshawe College to the apartments on Proudfoot Lanes at 4pm in the 14 minutes Google Maps says it should take… good luck. And should a visitor try to use our public transit system, well… enjoy waiting 15 – 30 minutes for a bus that’ll take you part way to your destination, before getting a transfer to wait another 15 – 30 minutes for the next bus. I timed it once, it took me 45 minutes to go from Argyle Mall to Masonville Mall by bus, a trip that should take no more than 10 if you drove there going from Clarke Road to Fanshawe Park Road. If this is the experience of someone who has lived here for 29 years, how is a guest to the Forest City going to fare?

Wellington Road and Huron Street. Why do they just arbitrarily end, then begin again? Is it too much to expect that once you’re on a street, you should be able to follow it to its conclusion?

So, what about other landmarks? Sure, we have the JLC, and it’s nice to see some big concerts in a smaller venue than, say, the Rogers Center, but the acoustics are awful for concerts. Maybe it was just the sound guys working the shows I’ve been to there, but everything was echo-ey, and I couldn’t hear what was actually being said by the performers on stage when they stopped playing to talk. We’ve had some sporting events that were decent draws like the Memorial Cup and the Brier, but those would have been draws to any city, it had nothing to do with how nice London is. There’s the museum… it’s kind of boring and doesn’t really specialize in anything, there’s some art, there’s some artifacts, sometimes there’s some sort of installation, but I don’t know if it’s supposed to be a museum of art, or of history, or what. There’s the Children’s museum, which I’m told hasn’t changed since I used to go there as a kid. There’s East Park, which is ok but ultimately a shell of Wally World, the water-park that London used to have before everyone stopped going to it and it went broke. Other stale attractions include Storybook Gardens and that Native Archaeologist Museum out on Wonderland… we have some nice parks I guess? Oh, or you could take in a ball game at the world’s oldest continuous-use baseball diamond, Labatt Park, with about 98 other people (London used to support their old semi-pro baseball team, the London Tigers, until they started losing, and since this city has no loyalty to anything that’s not a winning franchise, the fans abandoned the team and they moved).

As for the rest of the city? Nothing special… lots of fast food and chain restaurants and Wal-Marts and Best Buys and all the kind of stuff that’s great for a city you’d want to live in, but it’s not the type of place I’d think would be a good tourist destination. “You know, I want to do some traveling this year… where can we go? Oh, I know, how about a city just like every other city in North America!” Don’t get me wrong, London, Ontario, Canada is a decent place to live and work. If you’re a college kid, there’s an entire street devoted to places to destroy your liver. If you’re raising a family there are lots of schools and places to buy school supplies. If you’re an old person there are lots of retirement homes, hospitals, walk-in clinics, pharmacies, and funeral homes.

The problem is, there’s nothing to set us apart from other places on the list. Even Windsor, despite being a dirty hole of a city, has the casino (we have a horse racing track and some slots at the Western Fair, but a casino it is not). Niagara-On-The-Lake has the wineries and such, Niagara Falls has the tourist traps, a couple casinos, and of course, the Falls itself, Edmonton has the West Edmonton Mall, Jasper, Whistler, and Banff have the ski resorts (don’t even embarrass yourself by mentioning Boler Mountain)… basically, there had to be some city or town, ANY city or town, more deserving of #25 on the list. What about Stratford? If people are bored of seeing the festivals, they could go see Justin Bieber’s house. Maybe Grand Bend, the place Londoners go to when they’re sick of doing nothing here? Port Stanley is a nice quaint little village with little independent shops and places to eat, and it at least has a beach. The point is, I don’t know how much London paid to get on this list, but they don’t deserve to be there and I want my portion of the tax money that was spent on being added to this list returned to me, post-haste.

A Dose of Buckley 45 – Slutwalk

I feel like I haven’t REALLY offended anyone in some time now. Not that it’s necessarily my intention to do so, it’s more a byproduct of the way my mind works. Anyway, if I don’t this week, then it’ll only be because no one’s viewing this.

The Slutwalk took place this weekend in Toronto. What’s the “Slutwalk” you ask? Well, it’s a protest brought on by the whole York University thing, where a cop came in and gave a presentation on preventing sexual assault and said that you could do so by “not dressing like a slut”. Apparently this is the wrong attitude to have, because it blames the victim. I don’t feel it blames the victim any more than telling people to stay out of the African jungles if they want to avoid being eaten by lions. Sure they shouldn’t tell you where you can and can’t go, but it’s advice you can take or leave. Anyway, watch the video for my full rant:

Dose of Buckley 13 – Sex Ed

Originally posted at my website on February 26th, 2010.

It would seem the London Middlesex Health Unit (or is it the Middlesex London Health Unit? Does anyone care?) has entered the mid to late 1980’s and realized that kids like playing video games! And so, what better way to teach young adults about safe sex than with a flash-based trivia game featuring high school grade humour and lots of drawings of penises? Well, apparently the right-wing thinks there’s definitely a better way.

Dose of Buckley 13 – Sex Ed

And of course, you can listen to all of my content (up to date!) at A Dose of Buckley